How Childhood Family Enmeshment Can Negatively And Positively Impact You In Adulthood

Some Bad Events Lead To Positive Consequences

Enmeshment happens along a spectrum, and families experience different consequences of it. Like all negative or traumatic consequences in life, positive consequences can arise in individuals who experienced enmeshment in childhood.

This does not mean you want to promote excessive levels of enmeshment in your family to experience that growth. It does mean that people who experienced a lack of boundaries and independence in their family of origin can still achieve growth and healthy relationships in adulthood.

Post-traumatic growth is the positive psychological change some individuals experience after a life crisis or traumatic event. Family enmeshment can result in childhood trauma and post-traumatic growth. These areas of growth are often adaptive tools for revising the narrative of one’s life and returning to “normal.” They are not excuses for what happened to you or a reason to celebrate what happened. And assessing your positive skills in adulthood while healing the wounds underneath can lead to feelings of success in adulthood.

Some Potential Positive Consequences Of Enmeshment

• As an adult, you may be really great at assessing how other people feel. Children who grow up in these environments can become highly empathetic and intuitive.
• You may strongly commit to family and the people you love.
• Children who grow up in environments with enmeshment may become very self-sufficient. You are likely excellent at navigating challenges and solving problems.
• You know how enmeshment impacted you as a child and what it looks or feels like. You are changing patterns in your family and looking out for the children around you.

These potential positive consequences could have been instilled in you in another way. I don’t want you to read this and think: I should be grateful for what happened to me because it gave me this. If that doesn’t help you, you don’t have to say it. But I want you to know that you’re not doomed or ruined because of what happened. There is good in you and potential for change, growth, and a good life.

Some Potential Negative Consequences Of Enmeshment

• When you grow up in an enmeshed family, it’s usually not safe to disagree with the people in charge. You may struggle with conflict as an adult.
• It’s common for adults who experienced enmeshment trauma to struggle with forming and sustaining relationships as an adult.
• Kids who grow up in enmeshed families rely on approval from their parents or other family members. As an adult, you may struggle with making decisions. If you have to choose a career, partner, or place to live based on what your family thinks is right, it may be hard to know who you are or what you want.
• You may experience low self-esteem because you were consistently put down or do not have a solid identity outside of the family.

How To Keep The Positive Without The Enmeshment

You do not need to continue experiencing enmeshment in your family relationships to maintain the potential positive traits I listed above. However, you will need to ensure that those positive traits do not become exaggerated.

• You may be really great at assessing how other people feel and you will need to practice not taking on their emotions and not assuming you know how they feel.
• You can strongly commit to family and the people you love and maintain boundaries.
• You are likely excellent at navigating challenges and solving problems and you will need to remember that you don’t have to do everything alone.
• You are changing patterns in your family and looking out for the children around you, and it’s not your responsibility to save your entire family. They will have to do the work, too.