How To Handle Guilt Trips

If you decide to opt out of certain family traditions, not host, or avoid going home for the holidays completely, you may be met with guilt from your family members. Here are some different scripts you can use and make your own in these moments.

• “I really appreciate that you want us all together and that the holidays are important to you. I had to think about what I need this year, and being home just isn’t the right choice for me. I hope you can trust that I’m not rejecting you, just taking care of myself.”

Best for: Relationships that are generally caring, but the person is disappointed.

• “I know this might be disappointing, but I’ve decided not to come home this year. I hope you can understand and respect that, even if it’s not what you would choose.”

Best for: People who mean well but don’t always respect your needs

• “I know you’re upset I’m not coming, and I get that this is different from what we’ve done in the past. But I’ve thought carefully about this, and it’s what I have to do.”

Best for: Those who tend to push or argue after you say no.

• “I’ve made my plans for the holidays and won’t be traveling home this year. I know this might be hard to hear. I hope you can respect that.”

Best for: Repetitive guilt-trippers or those who dismiss your choices

• “I’m not coming home this year. I hope you have a good holiday.”

Best for: Short and direct. When you’ve already said no multiple times